She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
