you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
