In the future we'll all be gay
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
