areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
