if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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