I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Randomize
