When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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