Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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