I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
