i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
