As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
