Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
