Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
