So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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