my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
