i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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