and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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