I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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