he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize