Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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