I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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