I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
