This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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