clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
