I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
