no, he came in my armpit
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
