a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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