Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
