the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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