Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
