I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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