Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
