This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
