i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
