Reggie can tackle my bush.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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