Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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