People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
