Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
