I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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