You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
