dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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