I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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