You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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