There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
