ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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