you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
