just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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