and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
