i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need a beard to bite.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
