At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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