I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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