No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
