he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
