It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
