FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
