You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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