She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
