That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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