It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
